Rebuilding Self-Esteem: Therapy for Women Who Feel “Not Good Enough”
Self-esteem isn’t just about confidence. It’s about how you see yourself at the deepest level — your worthiness, your right to exist freely, and your ability to take up space without needing to earn love.
For women who grew up with emotionally immature parents, self-esteem often feels fragile, shaped more by survival than by genuine self-belief.
If you’ve ever struggled with self-doubt, perfectionism, or a constant sense that you’re “not good enough,” you’re not alone. And if you’ve been searching for therapy for self-esteem, this guide will help you understand where these feelings come from and how therapy can support you in rewriting the story of your worth.
Why Self-Esteem Feels So Hard to Build
Many of my clients come to me feeling like they should already “have it together.” They’ve built careers, relationships, and lives that look good on the outside — yet inside, there’s a constant undercurrent of self-criticism.
Self-esteem is difficult to rebuild when:
Love felt conditional growing up — praise came when you performed, but not when you simply were.
You were the parentified child — taking on responsibility for others’ emotions (mostly your parents), leaving little space for your own needs.
Conflict felt dangerous — speaking up meant risking withdrawal, rejection, or anger.
You learned to be hyper-independent — because asking for help brought guilt, criticism, or disappointment.
These early patterns teach your nervous system that self-worth depends on achievement, compliance, or invisibility. As an adult, the result often looks like perfectionism, people-pleasing, or struggling with emotionally unavailable partners — all tied back to low self-esteem.
The high Cost of Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem doesn’t just stay in your head. It ripples into every part of life:
Relationships: settling for less, ignoring red flags, or repeating old attachment patterns.
Work: overworking to prove yourself, avoiding leadership opportunities, or fearing failure.
Body & Mind: anxiety, chronic tension, aches & pain from unknown sources, or ignoring your body’s signals because you feel rest needs to be earned by productivity.
Inner World: self-doubt, guilt, and a harsh inner critic that never seems satisfied.
When you carry these beliefs long enough, they can feel like truth. Therapy helps you step back and see: these aren’t truths, they’re old survival strategies — and they can be released.
What Therapy for Self-Esteem Looks Like
A Personalized Process
There’s no one-size-fits-all method when it comes to rebuilding self-esteem. What worked for your friend or what you read in a self-help book might not touch the root of your story. Therapy provides a personalized process — one that honors your history, your nervous system, and your healing pace.
Some Modalities I Use
Mind-Body, Hypnosis, Somatics, Spiritual Approach, Shamanic Lens, Psychodynamics, Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy, ACT
Through a combination of psychotherapy and holistic modalities, we don’t just treat the symptoms (like anxiety or self-doubt) — we work with the deeper patterns that keep you stuck. Whether it’s exploring family dynamics, engaging in hypnotherapy to access the subconscious, or reconnecting with the body through mindfulness, the goal is to help you build an internal sense of worth that lasts.
Why Women of Emotionally Immature Parents Struggle More With Self-Esteem
Children need mirrors: parents who reflect back love, curiosity, and delight in who they are. If you didn’t have that, you likely internalized the opposite: “I’m only lovable if I’m quiet, perfect, helpful, or easy.”
This isn’t about blaming your parents — it’s about understanding that your brain and body learned survival scripts. Healing self-esteem means unlearning those scripts and practicing new ones:
Saying “no” and sitting with the guilt until you become comfortable with it.
Allowing help without fear of burdening.
Trusting love, even when it feels unfamiliar.
Believing your voice matters in conflict.
These aren’t just cognitive shifts. They’re emotional, somatic, energetic, and relational — which is why therapy is such a powerful space to work through them.
Common Signs You Might Benefit From Self-Esteem Therapy
You constantly second-guess yourself, even in small decisions.
You avoid conflict at all costs, even if it means betraying your own needs.
You feel guilty asking for help.
Compliments feel uncomfortable or undeserved.
You’re drawn to partners who can’t meet your emotional needs.
You hold yourself to impossibly high standards — and still feel like it’s not enough.
If you recognize yourself in any of these, therapy can help you untangle where these patterns come from and begin practicing new ways of relating to yourself.
Building Self-Esteem Is Not About “Fixing” Yourself
One of the most damaging myths is that low self-esteem means you’re broken. You’re not broken, you are whole and divine—always have been, always will be. You adapted. You survived environments that didn’t mirror your worth — and now you’re ready to relearn what it means to feel whole.
Therapy isn’t about fixing you. It’s about helping you return to yourself, piece by piece, until you can stand firmly in your own worth.
Taking the First Step
Rebuilding self-esteem takes courage, but it doesn’t have to be done alone. If you’re ready to:
Release self-doubt and guilt,
Break free from perfectionism and people-pleasing,
Learn how to feel loved without earning it,
Finally believe that “I am enough” —
then therapy may be a powerful step for you.
What Working With Me Looks Like
Hi! I’m Citlali Herrera, LCSW a Westchester NY based spiritual psychotherapist who specializes in working with women of emotionally immature parents, helping them rebuild self-esteem and learn to take up space.
I run a solo practice where I work closely with each client, which means you’ll always know exactly who you’re working with and what to expect. I’m licensed in both New York and New Jersey and offer sessions online, as well as in-person options for certain modalities like ecotherapy and ketamine-assisted therapy (in Westchester, NY).
When you reach out, we’ll begin with a free 15-minute intro call to see if we feel like a good fit. During this call, the process is simple: we’ll explore what brings you to therapy, what self-esteem means to you, and what patterns you’re ready to shift. Next, we schedule our first session. Once ongoing sessions begin, our work often moves between insight and practice — uncovering the deeper roots of self-doubt while also learning new ways to feel grounded, connected, and worthy in daily life.
My approach is integrative: I draw from psychodynamic therapy, mindfulness, and somatic practices, and I’m also trained as a hypnotherapist & psychedelic assisted psychotherapist. For clients who are open to it, I weave in holistic and spiritual perspectives that honor the body, mind, and spirit as interconnected. This blend allows us to move beyond surface-level coping and into lasting change.
I’m an out-of-network provider, which means that while I don’t accept insurance directly, many clients are able to use their out-of-network benefits for reimbursement. Often, people with out-of-network benefits end up paying close to the same amount as in-network. I can help you submit your claims to your insurance company so you get your money quick.
At the heart of my work is a belief that truth-telling is liberation: many women I work with grew up silencing parts of themselves to stay safe or loved. Therapy with me is about creating a space where those truths can finally be spoken — and where you can begin to see yourself with compassion, clarity, and dignity.
I’m currently accepting new clients in New York and New Jersey. If you’re ready to begin this work, I invite you to schedule a free 15-minute intro call. Together, we can explore whether we’re a good fit and what your path to healing might look like.
