Reparenting the Inner Child: A Guide for People Pleasers & perfectionists
Your inner child is in need of the loving and caring adult that she always needed, but never had.
Why People-Pleasing Is Trauma, Not a Flaw
If there were adults in your childhood that didn’t know how to express empathy, were emotionally immature, or who couldn’t handle big emotions: You became the calm, compliant “easy child,” and learned to shrink to keep the peace.
This created survival instincts—now, you still seek approval, feel unworthy, or bend to others to stay connected.
What Reparenting actually Means
Reparenting is purposefully offering your inner child the emotional care that wasn’t available before. It’s an approach used in trauma therapy for rebuilding self-compassion and self-trust.
Why it works:
Provides emotional validation adults often missed during your childhood
Replaces self-criticism with calming self-acceptance
Helps create firm, yet kind boundaries
“Reparenting isn’t about showing up perfectly—it’s a deep practice of radical Self-love.” – Citlali Herrera, LCSW
Signs Your Inner Child Is Still Hurting
Check in with yourself—do any of these sound familiar?
Chronic anxiety or self-doubt
People-pleasing or perfectionism
Difficulty expressing needs
Shame, guilt, or emotional numbness
Emotional isolation or loneliness
Difficulty trusting yourself
Fear of abandonment or rejection
These are not personality flaws!! You are divinely perfect simply by existing. Rather, they’re survival skills developed to navigate childhood emotional loneliness.
Reparenting Step-by-Step Practice:
Name & Befriend Your Inner Child
A. When feeling a big emotion come on, ask yourself: “Which young me is this?” “How old do I feel?”
B. Offer validation: “I see what you’re feeling. It’s okay to feel this way. I love you.” (HACK: physically holding yourself works wonders here!)
Offer Safety & Comfort
Use grounding exercises or a soothing phrase: “You’re safe to feel this way. I’m here for you no matter what.”
Create Rituals of Care
Schedule simple acts: early bedtime, nourishing meal, journaling, affirmations, bubble baths. Think of ways that your inner child would want to feel cared for.
Rewrite Your Inner Dialogue
When you catch harsh thoughts (“I’m not enough”), respond gently: “I see you. You are enough.”
Set Intentional Boundaries
Say “no” when needed and remind yourself: “My energy matters. This is okay to prioritize me today.”
This is going to be an ongoing practice. For many, after years of ignoring and rejection, trust needs to be rebuilt with our inner child. What does a child need most? someone to show up consistently. Do not give up just because your inner child isn’t interested now.
How Trauma Therapy Supports Reparenting
While self-guided reparenting is powerful, working with a trauma-informed therapist boosts your progress.
At Inner Worlds Psychotherapy, the approach integrates:
Weekly trauma-informed therapy
Somatic regulation tools and mindfulness practices
Hypnotherapy intensives (inner-child-focused)
Ketamine-assisted therapy and psychedelic integration, if appropriate
This is personalized healing—no one-size-fits-all approach. You’ll be supported at the pace that feels right for your nervous system. You will be met wherever you’re now in your healing journey.
Reparenting Isn’t Linear—It’s Relational
The real change lives in consistent, everyday moments:
Not answering when you don’t want to
Comforting yourself in low moments
Choosing yourself—not only in grand gestures, but in small daily acts. Simplicity is key to this.
Therapy helps you build trust in yourself and in your inner child’s emerging strength.
When to Reach Out for Professional Support
Consider therapy when:
Anxiety or people-pleasing dominate your life
You feel emotionally numb or self-critical
Boundaries feel impossible or guilt is overwhelming
You want to build self-trust and emotional safety
I offer virtual therapy in NY & NJ and nature-based sessions in Westchester. Everything is trauma-informed and personalized.
🌿 Ready to begin rewriting your relationship with yourself?
[Book your free 15-minute consultation here.]
